Tell Me Why
by sncaggie
Summary: You always said you loved me, would be there if I ever changed my mind about you. And now that I've fallen for you, it's me that's suffering. Angsty Oneshot. LJ


**A/N: **I know I should be working on my other fic, but this idea came to me, and writing something else would have been pointless. I hope you enjoy it. And incase the pairing isn't clear, it's LJ. Happy Reading.

**Tell Me Why**

It's hard to express how I feel when, honestly, I don't even know myself what I'm feeling. These thoughts should be outlawed; it should be illegal for someone, much less someone like me, to feel this way.

It's the adolescent mind of mine that draws me towards you, gives me an attraction that will forever remain a mystery.

I'm supposed to be perfect, uphold my image to those around me, not show emotion, but hell, when you're around it's impossible not to. You make me feel different. When I'm around you I'm not this timid girl with perfect grades, and an unblemished attitude, I'm just me.

You make me high, feeding me heroin for my inner addict, whiskey for my internal drunk, and cigarettes for the smoker. You make me whole, are the reason my blood circulates in my body.

Why is it I feel this way? Why do I stop and stare when you pass me in the corridors? When I'm on the phone, why do I wish it was you on the other end? Why do I deny my feelings when they're in plain view for the universe to see? Why do I reduce to a ball of goo and my brain turns to slush when you're around? Why when you hold me, I secretly wish you'd _never_ let go?

It scares me because I've never felt this way before, and it scares me because I can't possibly allow myself to get hurt. A nerd like me can't fall for a guy like you, the popular jock that everyone loves.

But it's out of my control, now it's a game being played. You toy with my emotions and leave me dazed and confused.

I spend my time trying to out-do you, but I know deep down inside, you're better than me. I feel like I don't deserve you, and it kills because I know it's true.

And even though it's wrong, I can't help but feel the way I do. I know you'll never feel the same, yet I build my hopes up sky-high, just to watch them diminish and crumble down at my feet.

I hate you for making me like this. But most of all, I hate you because I know I can never have you.

And sometimes, I wish it would all end, but you won't grant me that pleasure, that relief. You'll continue to play me time after time.

I promised myself all along that I would never fall for you, but you made sure that I did, didn't you? You used to torment me, make fun of me, joke and prank me, and I hated you. But lately, all that's been different.

You've captured my heart and you don't even know, you don't have a single clue, even when I confessed my feelings for you, you shrugged it. I'm just another name with checkmark by it on your list.

Remember what you said? Stupid question, because I know you don't. You may not remember, but I do, and it haunts me all the time and it will forever.

"Aww, you like me? Give me a hug; call me this summer if you want to hang out."

You didn't take me seriously; you didn't mean what you said.

That hug haunts me to this day, I swear when I close my eyes, I can still feel your touch, and it makes me wonder about what it could have been.

Remember how my eyes were misty? I tried so hard to hold back my tears, because I couldn't let you know how much your answer affected me after I looked into your hazel eyes and found out it wasn't true. The power you hold over me and take for granted is amazing, and I hate that I'm wasting it on you.

But what kills me the most is that you love her, her of all people. I'd give you my heart, and she won't give you the time of day.

If only you'd give me a chance, I'd show you love, and I'd show you how deep it goes. But you never will, will you?

It pains me because you'll never truly know how much I care for you and how I could have loved you. It hurts because I don't even know why I love you. I can't control it, hell, I don't even _want_ to feel this way, but yet I do.

I never asked for this you know. I never meant to fall for you, but I guess some things just happen.

I'll start over and look for someone who will care, who will look at me as more than a nerdy redhead, and the quiet girl who sits in the corner, who knows everything there is to know, but can't experience it because her heart is stuck on you.

Me and broken heart need to move on, and can't bear to stay. But the only thing harder than leaving, is leaving without looking back and wondering "Why am I _never_ good enough?"

And I'll call out for you, and I'll hope that you know that I need you, like I need the air I breathe.

And I hope you'll know that I really do love you, and that nothing will ever stop these rampaging feelings I have for you.

I'll just hope that you know, and I wish that you'll understand, for you loved me long ago, but my pride and dignity refused to give in.

But out of all the things that I wish and hope for from you, nothing is greater than the wish that I would have accepted you when you loved me.

And because of my wounded pride and independence, I'll never have you. And there's no one to blame except me.

The price is high, for it is guilt and raw need, desire from you that gnaws at my fragile soul.

I'll sit by the window night after night, stare up to the starry sky, and ask myself why I can't get over you.

I'll lie awake at night and dream of your touch, dream of your lips pressed against mine, dream of our bodies moving as one with nothing but love driving us.

I'll lie awake _every_ night, and dream of you, for nothing will ever be as sweet as what I could never have. And it's you.

**A/N: ****Thanks for Reading.**


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